Belonging: Why We Crave It, Why It Feels Hard, and How We Can Create It.

When it comes to belonging, I wish more people realized just how many of us quietly struggle with it.

We assume we’re the only ones who feel disconnected sometimes. We tell ourselves that by now, we should “have it all figured out.”

That we should have the friend group.

The healthy relationships.

The feeling of community.

And yet, so many people don’t — even when they deeply crave it.

A few weeks ago, I had the chance to be part of a project with Community Development Oakville where we explored this very topic. They took some of my reflections and shaped them into a blog post for their platform. You can read it here. As that was unfolding, I also happened to be conducting market research for another project — and it became clear that belonging is one of the main things we all crave.

Belonging Is a Deep Human Need — Not a Luxury

Researcher and author Brené Brown says:

"True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are."

That resonates with me deeply because when we think about belonging, we often associate it with fitting in. But fitting in requires adapting to others’ expectations. Belonging — real belonging — asks us to show up as we are, imperfections and all, and be met with acceptance.

And yet, it’s not always that simple.

Even when we understand what true belonging requires, many of us still search for it in all the wrong places.

Belonging isn’t something you can buy, earn, or achieve. It’s something you build and experience — often through doing the deeper inner work.

In a world that tells us we can purchase happiness, status, and even relationships, it’s easy to forget that the real things we crave — like belonging — can’t be bought.

No amount of networking, social media followers, or curated friend groups will give you true belonging if it’s not built on authenticity. Even if it seems like you’ve “got it,” it won’t feel fulfilling unless it’s rooted in honesty, vulnerability, and connection.

As someone who talks often about healing and inner work, I’ve come to see that belonging starts within. You can’t fully belong anywhere if you’ve abandoned yourself.

Belonging requires self-reflection, a willingness to do the work from within, and the courage to show up as your whole, imperfect self.

Money can open doors. But it can’t buy belonging.

What My Market Research Revealed: We Want Connection But Feel Alone

A few weeks ago, I conducted a community survey. Most of the respondents were from my own Community & Connection group — people who are already intentionally seeking connection and growth.

But what I found surprised me:

• A majority shared that they still crave more meaningful relationships.

• Many admitted they feel a lack of true community, even though they attend events and are actively trying to connect.

• Several noted that while they want to form deeper bonds, they often feel unsure how to take those first steps.

These answers honestly made me pause.

Even in spaces where we gather, where the intention is already there, people can still feel alone. Why? What’s standing in the way?

The Hidden Blocks That Get in the Way of Belonging

Based on my experience — both personal and through working with so many people — here’s what I see as the real blocks to connection and healthy relationships:

Fear of vulnerability. Many of us were raised to believe that showing emotion or admitting struggles is weakness. So we stay guarded.

Overwhelm and burnout. Busy schedules and constant life demands leave little energy for nurturing deeper connections.

Perfectionism and comparison. We hesitate to show up unless we feel "ready" or "enough." But that day never quite comes.

Past relationship wounds. Old betrayals, hurts, or even subtle disconnections have left us cautious, sometimes even subconsciously avoiding closeness.

And of course...

Waiting for someone else to make the first move. We often wait for community to find us. But the truth is, community is built, not found.

Change Starts With Us

I say this often, and I’ll say it again: No one will create the community you crave for you. Change starts with us.

I’ve seen the power of small, consistent actions.

That’s why I continue to host my events, workshops, and group gatherings — spaces where perfection is left at the door and real, meaningful connection can take place. Spaces where people can show up exactly as they are, share their stories, and know they’re not alone.

Through building Community & Connection group, I’ve witnessed firsthand what happens when we stop striving for perfection and start leading with authenticity.

And the best part? You don’t need to wait for a major life change to seek belonging. Whether you’re navigating transitions (as I once did — divorce, leaving a draining job, rebuilding my life) or simply craving deeper relationships, you can start now.

A Final Thought

If you’re not already a part of our community, please join us here: Community & Connection Facebook Group.

And if you are already in the group but haven’t connected with anyone yet, I encourage you to take that first step — say hello, come to an event, or reach out.

And if none of the connection opportunities we currently offer feel like the right fit for you, please don’t hesitate to message me directly. We’re always open to feedback and looking for new ways to offer different types of events and gatherings that meet people where they are.

Let’s keep building the spaces we all deserve — together ❤️